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The Answer

After the recent spate of bad press in my life surrounding the lifelong mystery of weddings, marriages, break-ups and divorces; I finally have my answer. It bothered me that marriages did not seem to be forever, weddings do not happen all the time and divorces are actually quite common. I could not comprehend why this was so as this was not how I had construed commitment in my made-up fairy tale. The disconnect between what I thought it would be and what it could actually be; was least to say disconcerting and depressing. I had always looked forward to getting married (I think this had to do with my general observation that I had never seen an ugly bride and I would really love to wear the wedding gown with the long train and look like I am a princess; even for a single day). But it had seemed that maybe all I was looking forward to was possibly some years of bliss and then unhappiness and divorce. If so, what could I at 25 and some months old look forward to in my personal life?

My favourite TV show Sex And The City (and now movie) gave me the answer. Big's insecurity about the wedding (which ultimately led to him walking away from it) echoed how I felt; would marriage change everything that had been perfect and fantastic when the two had been dating? It was evident he loved Carrie to bits and he agreed to the wedding because he loved her. But I understand now that this is the worst ever reason to get married. You should not marry because she wants to get married and you want her to be happy - you should only marry if you really want to marry her. This makes perfect sense (but as you can probably tell from my amazement, I did not realise this simple truth). Marrying for the former reason means you have no good reason to get married; you sound really romantic; but in reality, you are killing the relationship because you are obviously not ready. If you are not ready, then the wedding will scare you because the commitment becomes very real.

Carrie and Big made up nearing the end of the movie and a very good question was asked; why did they want to get married in the first place when they had been having such a fantastic time dating all along? Big's answer was that because it felt like they were saying something if they did not. And Carrie confessed to her mistake of letting the wedding getting bigger than Big itself. It all fell together for me when Carrie read a passage from her book at the end about love and marriage; that it is all but a label. As she had sagely said, we should not let labels rule our lives, instead we should make up the rules. And really, some labels are best left in the closet while the label of love will never go out of style.

My label of marriage is now left in a small corner in my huge closet while I continue to wear my label of love. Perhaps someday, I will wear it but definitely not now.

I hate to say this but Chris seemed to be right (not all the time, but this time again); perhaps you will know to marry when the time is right. Like Big at the end, when he went on bended knee to propose with (no less) a Manolo.

Maybe Cinderella-endings does happen... sometimes.

Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours.




min on Saturday, July 05, 2008